FUN LITTLE JOKES
by Chibi nyra
Summary: Yo peeps here's some funny one shots I think you guys would like...plzzzzz read and review...thankz
1. Chapter 1

**HEYYY! I'M BACK WITH SOME JOKES FOR STORIES…IF YOU'RE A FAIRY TAIL FAN AND DON'T LIKE BLONDS JOKES, CHEATING, LEMONS (NOT REAL GOODS ONES) , AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF PLEASE DON'T READ…..**

**OH, AND I DON'T OWN FAIRY TAIL OF THE JOKES….**

**PLEASE ENJOY**

Natsus and Lucy little boycomes home from school and asks his mom Lucy, "Where do babies come  
from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time  
she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few  
seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?"

**Ya sorry its so short I will makes some longer later**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys I'm back with another joke…sorry this is going to be a dumb blonde one**

Lucy went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said Lucy. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." Lucy touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That  
hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", Lucy cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."

**Sorry its another short one but I need help with couples and kids names…..if you got any please pm me…thanks please review…..**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yo, I'm back with more jokes…first I'm sorry that chapter 3 wasn't that good and confusing….it was in Lucy's pov sorry…ok well here's more…. **

One day while on patrol, natsu (police officer) pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the drive was! It was Lucy…a Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Lucy ... Could I see your driver's license...?" "What's a license?" replied Lucy, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet," replied natsu.

After fumbling for a few minutes, Lucy managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop." Registration... What's that?" asked Lucy.

"It's usually in your glove compartment," said natsu impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said natsu and walked back to his car.

Natsu phoned into the dispatch to run a check on Lucy license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher (gray) came back; "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes," replied natsu.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked gray. "Uh... yes" replied natsu.

"Here's what you do," said gray. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants. "WHAT!? I can't do that. It's... inappropriate," exclaimed natsu while blushing.

"Trust me... just do it," said gray .So natsu goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as gray said.

Lucy looks down and sighs, "Oh no ... not ANOTHER breathalyzer."

**Haha…..well how was it please I need feedback…and I still need fairy tail couples…OH! And I need names for kids of those couples plzzz….thanks **


	4. Chapter 5

**I'm back again with more jokes….**

**DISCLAMER: I DON'T OWN FAIRY TAIL OR THE JOKES…..**

**Sorry for the dumb blonde jokes**

Lucy went into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man (gray) told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

Gray arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" Lucy promised.

With that, gray said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.

He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.

Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. Gray closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"

Lucy slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO...MOM?

**Hahahahahahahahah….wow when I first say this I was like wow that's special…and this would be a great story for Lucy and gray… plz read and review**


	5. Chapter 6

**I'm back again with more jokes….**

**DISCLAMER: I DON'T OWN FAIRY TAIL OR THE JOKES…..**

**Sorry for the dumb blonde jokes**

Lucy and natsu decided they needed to use a code word to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their daughter in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."

One day natsu told his five year old daughter, kisa, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."

Kisa told her mom what her dad said Lucy responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."

Kisa went back to tell her father what mommy had said.

A few days later Lucy told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

Kisa told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

…**HAHAHAHA…PLEASE READ AND REVIEW…ALSO I NEED FAIRY TAIL COUPLES AND KID NAMES I PROMISE THAT I WILL USE THE NAMES PLZZZZ I REALLY NEED THEM FOE ME TO WRITE MORE CHAPTERS….**


	6. Chapter 7

**HEYYY GUYS SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE IN LIKE FOREVER! I LOST MY COMPUTER AND NOW I HAVE TO UPDATE AT THE LIBRARY OR MY SCIENCE CLASS!**

**SOOOOO HERE'S SOME GALE FOR LEVY GARDENIA MCGARDEN! **

A**A levy has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi (gajeel) and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. Gajeel furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. Gajeel gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!" **

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL XD THAT'S SOO FUNNY…..SORRY ITS NOT SO U KNOW I WAS IN A RUSH IM IN CLASS RIGHT NOW BUT PLZZZ TELL ME COUPLES AND KIDS NAMES FOR SOME REALLY GOOD ONES**


	7. Chapter 8

**HEYYYYY HERE'S MORE STORIES! OH! AND I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL!**

Lucy decides one day that she is sick and tired of all  
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,  
so she decides to show gray that blondes really are  
smart. While gray is at the guild, she decides that she is  
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after gray leaves, she gets  
down to the task at hand. Gray arrives home at 5:30 and  
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living  
room and finds Lucy lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.  
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at  
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks  
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him  
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by  
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket  
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the  
directions on the paint can and they said...  
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

**HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! FUNNY RIGHT! PLZZZ READ AND REVIEW PLZZZZZZ TELL ME IF U LIKE IT THANKS A LOT!**


	8. Chapter 9

**Heyy more jokes!**

One day natsu decided to go horse back riding.

After a very long search, he finally found a horse he thought he could ride. Things started off well enough, slowly trotting along, but soon the undulations started going faster and faster.

Being unexperienced at horseback riding natsu started to fall off. he tried everything, grabbing the mane, then he tried to grab the saddle, but could not hold on.

Seconds before falling off, the horse finally stopped, allowing him to get off, and gratefully thank the shopper for unplugging the mechanical horse as they were about to enter the department store

**Ha-ha lol plz read and review…..thanks…..sorry its short.**


	9. Chapter 10

Gray is a blind man he enters a lady's bar by mistake. Finding his way to the bar, he orders a drink. After a few drinks he yells, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"

The place gets silent. Then a woman with a deep, husky voice sitting to the right of the man says, "Sir, since you are blind, I think it is only fair to let you know that

bartender is a blonde woman.

bouncer is a blonde woman.

woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler.

4.I'm a six foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

Do you still want to tell that joke?"

"Nah," says gray . "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it FIVE times."

**OMG! THIS IS MY THIRD CHAPTER TODAY!IM SOOO GOOD PLZ READ AND REVIEW AND TELL ME HOW IT WAS…..THANKS A LOT**


	10. Chapter 11

One day Erza decided to get a cell phone. After talking with Mira, she finally selected a model and signed up for the service.

Over the next few days she called her friends and gave them her new number.

A few days later while shopping, her phone rang for the first time.

Surprised, she answered it. It was her best friend. Completely dumbfounded, she asked in amazement, "How did you know where to call me?"

**Sorry it's a bit ooc…..ok a lot of ooc but hey it's my story and this is the 4 chapter today! Yaaaaa im sooo happy plz read and review thankz luv u all!**


	11. Chapter 12

As Lucy was getting off work one day in the middle of winter, it was snowing heavily. Visibility was near zero. Lucy finally found her car, but wondered how she was ever going to get home. She started the car to warm it up and tried to think of what to do. Then she remembered her husband, Trent, advice. He had told her that if she were ever caught in a snow storm, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she'd never get stuck in a snow drift.

So she waited and sure enough, a little while later a snow plow went by. Smiling, she began to follow it. Feeling a little smug, she couldn't wait to tell Trent how she had followed his advice and got home without getting stuck.

After following the snow plow for quite a while, the plow stopped and natsu got out. He walked back to Lucy's car and asked if she was all right? He was concerned because she had been following him for a long time.

"Sure," said Lucy and she explained how Trent had told her that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should follow a snow plow.

A little confused, natsu said, "OK you can follow me if you want to. But I'm finished with the Kmart parking lot and I'm headed for Wall-Mart next."

**Hayyyy im done for right now but this is the 5****th**** chapter today plzzz read and review thanks oh and trents a class mate**


	12. Chapter 13

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL

Gray is a cop who stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

Lucy looks all around in her purse and can't find her license. "I must have left it at home, officer."

"Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?" asks gray .

Lucy takes out a pocket mirror and says, "I do have this picture of me."

"Let me see it," says gray . She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, "Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have stopped you."

**Ummm…..haha I guess sorry its not good and short …BETTER NEXT TIME!**

**PLZ READ AND REVIEW**


	13. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL! **

Natsu was suspected of cheating on his 12th grade final exams. The teacher brought him to the front of the room and told to sit and stay quiet while he proceeded to mangle he's test.

As he did this, natsu started to laugh.

Getting even more furious, he threw the test on the ground and stomped up and down on it leaving foot prints on several ripped pages.

Natsu laughed even louder.

He was livid, finally taking her test and shredding it.

Now, natsu was laughing uproariously.

The teacher, somewhat more calm but still red looked over and asked, "What's so funny?"

"While you weren't looking, I stood up three times."

**Hahaha kool….sorry its short too…..plz read and review**


	14. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL **

Lucy and levy went to the pound where each one adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and levy said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, Lucy said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a pink bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day levy comes running up to Lucy when she got to the guild, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says Lucy. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, levy comes running up to Lucy as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says Lucy.

After several more hours of concentration, levy finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

**Hahahahah! Well plz review oh! And I love u all plzzzzzz review so I can know how it is! THANKZ!**


	15. Chapter 16

One day the levy was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to Lucy's son iggy. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

Levy paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

Iggy raised his hand and said, "I know". He said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

**Hahahahahaha lol XD FUNNY FUNNYFUNNY PLZ REVIEW!**


	16. Chapter 175

Lucy and natsu's seven-year-old boy and four-year-old boy were upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" said Iggy (the 7 year old). "I think it's about time we start swearing."

Sasuke (4year old) nodded his head in approval.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell, and you say ass, okay?" sasuke agreed with enthusiasm.

Lucy walked into the kitchen and asked Iggy what he wanted for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. Lucy looked at sasuke and asked with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbered, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios

**Hahahahahaha****lol XD FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY! PLZ REVIEW!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Heyyy I'm back! And I'll be able to bring more stories... Disclaimer: I don't own fairy tail ;)**

Gray was visiting his wife juvia in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.

Gray runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. Gray goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from juvia also.

The doctor suggests that gray should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want gray to be embarrassed. Gray goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which gray replies:

"She choked."** Haha lol XD plzz review thankz... **


	18. Chapter 18

**Heyyyyyy guys here's another chapter...oh! And im making a new story it will be more one shots but, it will be scary and creepy ones ;) soo plzzz read it comes out ;) **

**Disclamier: I do NOT own fairy tail ;)**

Erza, Mira, levy had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

Mira claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

Levy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

Erza proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, Mira spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my Dog!

**Plz review thankz**


	19. Chapter 19

**Heyyyyyy guys I'm back **

Natsu and lucys little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.

Finally one morning he goes to Lucy and says, "Mommy , every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him".

Lucy is taken by suprise and says "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The little boy says, That won't work"

Lucy says, "WHY?"

The little boy replies "Because aunt lisanna comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!"

**Heyy I'm sorry if I spelled lisanna wrong plz review and tell me how it is cause I'm thinking u guys don't really like this story soooo if u do plzzzz review plzzzzz **


	20. Chapter 20

**Heyyyy y'all I'm back for another chapter ;) cause I love u all**

Natsu walks up to his best friend and tells him that he is having a major problem with his elbow. His friend tells him to go to the mall and there will be a fortune telling machine there. All you have to do is put five dollars in it and it will make noises and flash lights and tell you whatswrong.

So natsu gives it a shot. He goes to the mall inserts the money and it makes noises and lights start to flash. Then a urine cup pops out of it and, he goes and pisses in the cup. Then he dumps it in the machine. It coughs out a piece of paper, reading: you have tennis elbow, refrain from hardwork and ice your elbow.

Well natsu is pretty amazed but he wonders if it can befooled. So he puts another five dollars in it and it spits out a cup. Except this time he takes the cup home and puts in his wife's pussy juices, his dogs poop, tap water, his daughters piss, along with some cum from him.

The next day he goes to the mall and dumps the mixture in the machine. It coughs out a piece of paper, that reads: Your wife is cheating, get a divorce... Your dog has worms, get him vitamins... You have hard water, get a softner...urdaughter is pregnant, get her counseling.. And if you don't quit jacking off your tennis elbow will never get better.

**Sooo really I need y'all to review plzzz tell me how I'm doing plzzz and thankz soooo much **


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL **

Once upon a time there was a blond girl named Lucy with long hair, honey brown eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called Aries, the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep." she said.

"Well thank you." said Aries. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you." said Lucy

"Okay.", replied Aries .

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked Lucy . "Sure.", said Aries.

So, Lucy sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382″.

"Wow.", said Aries. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So Lucy went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, Aries approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried Lucy .

"If I can guess the real color of your hair… can I have my dog back?"

**Hahaha plzzz review…WOW I HAVENT UPDATED IN FOREVER…I KINDA FORGOT XD….PLZZZ REVIEW**


	22. Chapter 22

**heyyyyy I'm back for a really short chappie~~ **

There were three women trapped on a deserted island; cana ,Ezra and Lucy . A genie appeared and granted them three wishes: one for each person. Cana wished to go home because she missed her family Ezra wished for the same thing and the genie poofed them suddenly started crying and said, "I wish my friends were still here!"

**Hahaha sorry I know I haven't posted in forever...And when I do post it's a short ass chapter...but yaaa! I posted a least...wart ever plzz review and tell me if I should just stop...Oh! And thx to nance-chan for the joke~~ o(^▽^)o**


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